


A night in the Coven

by zxq966



Category: No Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:46:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zxq966/pseuds/zxq966
Summary: You broke into an old mansion on a dare. Turns out, it's home to a coven of witches. And one of them takes a shine to you.
Kudos: 1





	A night in the Coven

(You are a witch. You find another dumb college kid breaking into your coven's house, and you've had enough. But then you realize they may be able to help you...)

Hello? Is someone there? Cassandra if that's you I swear to god...

(turns on light, sees intruder.)

*beat*

Oh. 

Okay just a sec, I remember this one. Ummm...

(trying to be intimidating, but you can barely remember the spell) 

Your house and kin when torn asunder

Will henceforth curse your foolish blunder

For you'll have damned their futures nigh- you know what? Screw this. Three generations of bad luck isn't a deterrent, but B&E charges will be. I'm calling the cops. Hold still, and I won't have to do a paralysis spell. 

Oh sure, you're all remorse now. Tell me, which frat is putting you up to this anyway? Can't they come up with a better initiation than "sneak into the spoOoOoky McCreary mansion?" What kind of played out Scooby-Doo bullshit...

No frat? Your friends just dared you? Wow, that's even more pathetic. Well, you better hope one of your buddies is pre-law, because- 

What do you mean "what was I doing earlier?" I was casting a spell. What's it look like I was doing, freestyle rap?

(indignant) Yes, we are *real* witches. Check it out, I'll put out those candles from across the room. Tenebrosity!

Ta da! Now I'll light them back up. Scintillation!

(mock bowing) Thank you, thank you, you're too kind. You know, I don't get to show off that much. The other girls can do stuff that makes that look like a rabbit out of a hat. You know, sometimes I wish I could really blow them awa-

Actually, I think we could help each other. How badly do you not wanna get arrested?

Great. So there's this spell, and- i need you to not freak out- it requires a release of a certain kind of energy that can only be achieved via what the book calls "knowing a partner in the most ancient way," and I don't think it's talking about twenty questions. 

No, I am not joking. You can always tell which spells are from witches and which are from warlocks. The witch ones are just "add ingredients, stir thoroughly, and hex mixing pot", and the warlocks are "disrobe with six of your closest friends and dance around a bonfire during a full moon until you collapse." 

I mean, there was this one spell where me and Ophelia had to go to the roof during a thunderstorm and- (reconsider)

Actually, I'm not going to finish that. What happens between two consenting adults, a vat of ginger wine, and a burning sculpture of a gryphon is none of your business. But suffice it to say, Ophelia and I still can't make eye contact without things getting weird. 

But as I was saying, this particular spell lets you turn lead to silver. All you have to do is have sex on top of a pile of it while chanting some old language and doing some specific moves. 

Come on, follow me to the chamber. 

(in the chamber)

Alright, see that pile of lead with the bed on top of it? That's where we'll do it. Oh, and one last thing. The book says I need a fully willing partner, so I guess if you don't want to do this, I won't turn you in. But if you leave, you'll be missing out on this! (snaps fingers)

(beat)

Okay, that was supposed to make my clothes vanish, but I guess I still need to practice that one. (takes off clothes). 

(proudly) Looks like I don't even need magic to put a spell on you. 

Now, if you'll just take your clothes off and climb onto the bed. 

(flustered) Oh wow, are you- is that- Nevermind.

(pause) Yeah, it's my first time. I've never done this spell before. 

Or did you mean first time having sex? It's definitely not.

(defensive) Yes, I'm sure! I'll have you know I'm dating an incubus! He's super hot- but you can't meet him, he lives on a different metaphysical plane!

(pause)

Okay, you got me. First time. Happy? Just get on the bed, will you?

Comfy? Good. So according to the book, we start with me kissing your forehead and working my way down. 

Forehead. (kiss)

Lips. (kiss)

Neck. (kiss)

Chest. (kiss) 

Stomach. (kiss)

Waist. (kiss)

And that's as far as it says to go. Sorry, I can't risk going off-book for this.

Now, you have to climb on top of me and do the same, so let's just switch places. I'm going to start the incantations. 

Cahf ah nafl mglw'nafh -ohhhh, yes.

or'azath syha'hnahh

keep going, don't stop. 

Carcosa n'ghftephai n'gha ahornah- Whoa! That's new. Like boiling water in my veins, do you feel that?

Okay, this next step- the translation is weird- will either change the chemical composition of the lead, or summon a shoggoth. If the lead starts changing, then the pile will start shaking underneath us. If a shoggoth shows up, then I guess run? 

Now, I'll reach down, and start playing with your cock. just follow my lead.

chtenff k’yarnak stell’bsna vulgtlagln (moan) 

Are you almost there? Great, now I need to stop, and get your head between my legs. And if I start squirming or thrashing, that's normal for these spells. Just hold me down and keep going. 

I know, I know, but the more time we spend on the edge, the stronger the energy release will be. 

Alright, just start putting your tongue to work, I'll keep going with the invocation. 

vulgtlagln alhazred fm’latgh- (moan) you work fast. 

ug-qualtoth ep-f'mlatgh -oh god, oh my god! Keep going! 

(climax)

(catches breath.) Okay, now we- you know what? Fuck the book, just take me!

(assorted groans whimpers, and talking of the sexual variety)

I- oh, yes! yes! by the- (moan)

(Second climax)

Okay, okay. Now, let me get out of the bed and check to see if the spell worked. This lead should be silver- 

Oh my god. It's gold. We made fucking gold! They'll never laugh at me again! (kiss)

Sorry to kick you out so fast, but the sisters should be returning from the ceremony soon, and I don't think they'll let you off the hook so easily. And obviously it goes without saying, but if you tell anyone about this, I'll turn you into a newt. And you won't get better. 

Anyway, be safe out there. Full moon tonight. I hear strange things can happen.


End file.
